Ontario International Airport, Terminal 2

The Set Up

There is a lot of time before the flight departs but the project has reached a natural conclusion for the week. I have a lot on my mind otherwise, things that don’t pertain to work necessarily, so I bid the team adieu and head towards the airport. It’s an easy enough drive with some holiday traffic but definitely manageable. I get to the rental car return lot in 25 mins. Everything is easy. It’s 72 degrees, the rental car return agent is courteous and professional. I’m not really paying attention to what he is saying exactly but it has something to do with adding points to my account for being a loyal customer. I sort of know where I’m going but he makes sure I know by telling me it’s through the white gate and out to the drive where I will meet the shuttle.

As far as shuttle rides go this one begins in a mundane fashion. There are only a handful of us on the bus. We are each greeted and asked for our airline, after which I’m told in no uncertain terms that I’m being dropped off at the first stop, Terminal 2. Everyone else is going to Terminal 4 and I am of the opinion that for reasons unknown there is no Terminal 3. This is all ordinary stuff but then the trip takes a figurative turn. The shuttle driver transforms into a Tour Bus Driver. I’m texting with my associate throughout the trip so I’m not really listening but it sounds like we are passing a historic winery. This winery is no longer operational but the building still exists. I can’t see it but it sounds like quite the architectural marvel. A bunch of the story goes by and I’m distracted, enjoying my chat, but suddenly the Tour Bus driver is talking about “hobos” taking over the winery. What is going on here? I’ve missed some important details, but I actually enjoy knowing only part of the story more than if I had listened to every word and knew whole thing, so I don’t let it interrupt my chat.

Ontario International has got to be the single best security experience in the country. No kidding. I’m 2 for 2 this month, checking the bag, walking right up to CLEAR, being escorted past nobody, and right through the security checkpoint. The added bonus this time is they’re running the X-ray machine that lets you leave your computer(s) in your carry on. I’ve always got two computers with me so this is a luxury.

My plan was to visit a private lounge in Terminal 2 called the Aspire Lounge. I don’t know exactly what to expect but I frequently use the Amex Centurion Lounges so I can take a guess. I’m imagining a spartan buffet with maybe one hot item, a couple of salads and maybe a charcuterie board of some sort. I am also fairly certain the drinks are free.

Do you see my problem? The Aspire Lounge is closed for the entire 3+ hours that I’m at the airport. I need to call an audible.

My other options are Vending Machine Ramen, Wolfgang Puck’s Pizza, or a bar experience that was so disappointing on my last visit that the only saving grace was that I didn’t die. The Vending Ramen, while intriguing, does not have beverage service. Wolfgang Puck’s Pizza would be something new at least but the beverage service remains limited. This leaves me with the Cross Grain Brewhouse.

It is the Thursday before Christmas and bad weather across the country has resulted in thousands of cancelled flights. This often sleepy terminal is full of people delayed, people cancelled and people still hopeful. I squeeze my way past a crowd and try to get to what looks like a busy establishment. The bar is about 70% full but there is one table sort of close to the TV that is calling my name. I make my way in and sit down. It is the same cast of characters working that were behind the bar and on the floor a couple of weeks ago, and a cynical grin creeps across my face. I’ve got more than 3 hours until my flight, this should be good, lets see what happens.

This is only the second time I’ve been here so I don’t have a lot to go on but the last time I was here it was pretty quiet. My hunch is that this bar is normally sleepy and there is something entertaining about watching bartenders that are accustomed to being sleepy when they get busy. To their credit though, they are facing repeating waves of thirsty patrons and they are getting the drinks out the door. I don’t see any guests that are upset, in fact, most seem grateful to have found respite. The bartender and I make eye contact from my seat at the table and I order a reliable Sculpin IPA from Ballast Point Brewing. My plan is to drink a couple of leisurely beers before I think too hard about food. My last experience being what it was I’m not exactly rushing to fill my belly.

First beer down, then two. When the third beer arrives I ask to see a menu, which the server brings right away. Looking over the menu I am reminded of the last visit and the sad, sad sandwich that I mostly just pushed around the box it came in. Every bar can have a bad day, I am trying not to let the memory of a bad experience override my mission today. While reflecting on the past I am not in the moment, here, today, and that’s when I make a critical mistake. The server comes back and I am not ready to order. I think I mumbled something about still deciding to which she says – Let me know when you are ready. At this exact moment a new mob of people swarm the establishment and I am quickly forgotten. Again, this is my fault. You have to be on your toes in this situation because the scene can change so quickly in an airport bar. Wrought with desperation, I am able to, thankfully, flag down the bartender who asks for my order from across the counter and two rows of people.

The Selection

The Chicken Caesar Wrap is a standard issue menu item that allows one the convenience of a sandwich and the peace of mind that you are basically ordering a salad. Simple and delicious is what I am looking for this evening. I think I may have gotten a little over my skis with the reconstructed comfort food from the visit a couple of weeks ago. The one element of the menu description that is non-standard is the “spicy Caesar dressing”, we will see what that entails soon enough.

I’m really glad I got my order in when I did. The bar is now getting killed. What happens next is really quite amusing. The bartender begins to yell to the crowd the expected wait time on food. This is a full throated yell, “THERE IS A 40 MINUTE WAIT FOR FOOD! IF YOU ORDER FOOD NOW IT WILL TAKE 40 MINUTES TO MAKE!!”

My best story about a yelling bartender is too long to tell here, but I used to frequent a dive bar where the bartender yelling at customers and calling them names was a part of the ambiance. I am whisked back in time 20 years listening to this new development unfold.

The Presentation

Seriously. What is with this place? I have been watching other people get food delivered, with a real presentation on a personal sized aluminum tray, with a branded piece of wax paper as the base. I get it, they’re busy. This place might be busier than they’ve been since before the pandemic, but God almighty, have standards. There is someone that is responsible for this failure that I can almost guarantee is not here. The responsible party is likely sitting in a better bar, with better cuisine without a care in the world.

The presentation is a brown box of warm fries and a room temperature wrap. The wrap is probably meant to be room temperature and the fries are warm enough to barely pass.

The Bites

I won’t make you read through bite by bite recap. I am bored with this meal and won’t trouble you with the specific details of the mouthfeel and the chews.

Thanks to the miracle of technology, I am able to provide a cross section of the actual wrap for illustrative purposes. The chicken breast is cooked and cubed. The Romaine is shredded, or at least torn into manageable pieces. The Parmesan cheese is abundant and adds some crucial flavor and texture. The Caesar dressing is indeed spicy and adds a depth that is a winning combination with the saltiness of the cheese. The heat from the sauce is building and by the time I finish my lips are actually burning ever so slightly.

I ate this wrap in its entirety.

The Score

“FOLKS! IT IS NOW GOING TO BE 60 MINUTES FOR FOOD! A 60 MINUTE WAIT FOR FOOD!!” – That is the most recent update from the bartender, I wanted to make sure you got it.

Ultimately this is a fine meal. If I was stranded with no other choices I would be happy that I had the wrap available to prevent my inevitable starvation. It’s a routine staple type of item executed in a routine manner. ⭐️⭐️